The Many Uses of Duct Tape

I am in no way an expert on the use of duct tape or parenting, but this blog is about a little of both. I was told to write this blog. Not by God, He keeps up with my thoughts the normal way (via Facebook) but by a friend who said that she wanted to be able to see in a more linear and outlined way the random sagacity that streams through my mind, particularly on parenting for some reason...

The Baptism!

The kid got dunked today! I was led to believe this would result in his being much more mild tempered, angelic even, with no more screaming cries or diapers that contain an explosion of evil or loud burps in church. I was lied to on all counts. Granted I was the one who came up with those ideas and was telling myself this, but you think I could trust myself! I'm such a liar. The kid did all three in the course of his Baptism. Here's a play by play, with some explanation for the nonodox out there.

The Promised Update

Well here's the post I promised you here, but without the promised content. See, we ended up not going on the Youth Retreat because of, to borrow a phrase, a series of unfortunate events and the fact that we had a ton of stuff to do. Stuff I'm going to tell you about now! Starting with last Sunday's dinner, because it was beautiful and needed to be shared.

Fresh Baklava

Yes, our little chubbers will be getting dunked tomorrow. That's what the baklava is for. Well not for the actual baptism, Orthodox do not actually baptize using olive oil and honey (I was surprised too) but for the min-reception thingy tomorrow after. The baklava is Lenten, the cake will not be.

Family Resemblances

Apparently we're running a cloning factory...

Friday, November 29, 2013

Happy Black Friday!

Ok, yes, I'm only updating on holidays, but really, I don't think you guys are so interested in our day to day lives where we go to work, school, and get our diaper changed (depending on which family member you are). So yeah, updates are far more likely after a celebration. Lucky for anybody who loves the chubby cheeks of the family prince, I think almost every weekend from her to Nativity has some feast.

Also, some of these pictures are probably duplicates from when OrthoMom got annoyed at how little I update and so loaded them all up to Facebook. I, however, don't know which ones and you didn't get to see my witty commentary on them, which is really what you come for anyway, so let's plow through the last few weeks at chez moi.

We thought his legs had disappeared for the whole afternoon.
Spawn-osaurus turned 8 months old on the 18th. He now takes wobbly steps. By step"s" I mean a single step at multiple points in time. Ambulatory leg movement is beyond him, but it's fun to watch him look like Cotton Hill.

The only ball he has to play with, and it's actually a dryer ball.
With Thanksgiving on the menu we've been trying more solid foods. He's having very little of it.

But he's still big on tubs.
He's going through a very clingy stage, especially with his mother. That's just a blast.

I'm a mattress, and that's pretty much it.
So Thanksgiving! Our parish did the Akathist of Thanksgiving the day before at four, which was awesome because it meant we had time to go before needing to be on the road. It's only about an hour to my parents house where we spent the day with a lot of food:

I probably should've removed the foil...the big one closest is some rabbit that my brother-in-law shot, and then some sweet potato casserole. 
We cooked the turkey upside down, which you pretty much have to do to get a really moist turkey if it's over 16 lbs in my opinion. Opa did the honors, of course:

I'm a white meat man, myself.
And all the food was thouroughly enjoyed by this army of goblins:

Attempting to get a shot of them all looking at the camera and smiling ended very quickly.
Two of the grandkids had to sit out, because they don't eat solids, but I've just realized I don't have a photo of Caroline. Here's the other hold out though, who did gnaw on some turkey at some point.

He too was preparing for Black Friday, as can be seen with his choice of toy.
So full of pumpkin pie and parade we all took naps, of course...

His cheek looks large enough to be settled lol. 
And then this afternoon OrthoMom and I went out shopping. I got new shoes! And a pair of jeans. Here's a shocker too: OrthoMom got jeans too! She's wearing them right now, and she looks FOINE!

Anyway, now begins the Christmas Season. Advent began yesterday for us, but upcoming we have St. Nicholas Day, St. Lucy Day, Christmas, of course, Nativity (which we distinguish from Christmas for clarity sake, as we do with Easter and Pascha) and my Name Day (w00t!) and Theophany. Much to look forward to! Adieu, mes amis!

Always end on something cute.

Saturday, November 16, 2013

Happy Friendsgiving!

So last time y'all tuned in it was Halloween. Today, by which I mean a week ago, was Friendsgiving!

The table was set with this amount of food for the past week.
I have to say I'm pretty proud of my turkey:

No basting, and I have been told by several people that it was the most moist turkey ever. Alton Brown doesn't steer his bros wrong.
So we had good food. Today the turkey carcass will be turned into broth which will season the stuffing at Thanksgiving in a few weeks, where we'll be watching the REAL Thanksgiving parade and not settling for a Netflix-available Peanuts Presents the story of the Mayflower or some such nonsense.

Yes, it was that boring.
Spawn is now doing what OrthoMom calls "cruising" which apparently means "sideways walking around the coffee table." He's also standing for longer periods. Imagine the music from 2001, A Space Odyssey to this to really get the effect.

Bum...bum...
Ba-BUM!
Epic.

He's also coming into his own style, for which we're really proud.

Of course, it was expected that he'd go for Daddy's bag someday, but this early? That really shows signs of advanced taste.
And his selection of this jacket is inspired, as is pairing it with his own version of La Tigra Blue Steel.
But usually he prefers a more casual, preppy look.
He'll be lecturing Mommy about her jean skirt/t-shirt combos any day now.

I know, Buddy. I know.
Fashion faux-pas which amount to baptism into a Oneness Pentecostal church aside, OrthoFamily is doing well. Athanasius still enjoys the occasional apparent drug trip with his Godsister.

Munchies certainly would explain those chins.
And last night we discovered that a tight swaddle in a fake fur blanket will calm the kid down for several hours.

It started as a joke, but hey, if it quiets the spawn, go with it. 
So, until next time, stay strong out there, y'all. It's a scary world.

Even if "Where the Wild Things Are" is "in here."

Friday, November 1, 2013

Happy Halloween!

(Parts of this post contain previously recorded material. I am no longer tied to the chair).

I write this, tied to a chair, forced to watch episodes of "Star Trek" in atonement for my crimes. I can only pray that one day Christ is more merciful. At least it's only "The Next Generation" and not that abominable thing my wife first tried to have me watch. 

Caspian keeps trying to turn it off.
He has taste. 
Happy Halloween! A day late. But yesterday I was actually doing things, and now I have time to tell y'all about those things. But first, Caspian had some of those old time antique-y photos taken the other day. 

It was only later that we found out the photo was haunted by the future ghost of his mother.
And, more importantly, we finally get caught up on Once Upon a Time with the parents of this little darling:

The pun was intended. Also, I love how they both look like they could be on drugs in this photo, just very different types.
The weather is getting colder, so we're leaving the house open and Stacia is back to getting up earlier than any reasonable person ever thought necessary to take the spawn for walks. 

Cooler weather means sweaters and coats which, let's be honest, look better on everyone.
As if you needed more proof.
Stacia's work was on hold for a bit last week as someone...hacked? in ransomware and shut down their server. She spent the time, I assume, learning to make rice pudding and re-enacting favorite scene from Princess Bride to her captive audience.

A captive audience.
Attempts at solid food are beginning to prove more positive. He's really enjoying those mesh bag things filled with fruit, and tonight, as you can see below, he ate a slug.

I had to assume that the labeling was a lie. It looked nothing like spinach and potatoes. 
And finally, here's the Halloween portion! As you can see, our little hafling was properly garbed:

He did great with his first puff on the pipe too. He's truly a prodigy.
When it came to choose what OrthoMom and I should wear, we had to talk it over:

Her: What should we wear for Halloween?

Me: You're going to be fire, obviously.

Her: What?

Me: Well, you're so hot.

Her, after rolling eyes: Ok, what are you going to be?

Me: I don't know. Water?

Her: Why water?

Me: Because when we get together it's pretty steamy.

Her: Rolling of the eyes and walking away.

And here we are!

See! Hot. Told you. Step back, y'all!

And me. We only wore these to get a discount on Chipotle food. We literally got this dressed up for three dollars off of a burrito. But if you're gonna do something, do it right, amirite?

So until next time! Athanasius said next year he wants to be a homicidal maniac, because they look like everyone else.

He's already got the look down!