Palm Sunday

Sitting on Thy throne in heaven, and carried on a foal on earth, O Christ God, accept the praise of angels and the songs of children who sing: Blessed is He who comes to recall Adam!

Today begins Holy Week for us. Well, technically it began last night because we count days from sunset to sunset, so Palm Sunday began with Vespers last night. Here's a picture of our home Icon corner decorated for Palm Sunday.
 
Anytime there's a picture of an Icon corner online there's a host of comments asking "Who is that saint under the Theotokos to the right of Euphrosynos?" so here's a breakdown of ours.

There's Christ in the Pantokrator pose (it means "The Omnipotent" or "The Sustainer of All." At our parish we usually translate it as "He Who holds all things in His hands.") and the Theotokos to His right. Above them is a wooden cross given to us by Protodeacon and his wife for our wedding. Between Christ and the Theotokos is St. John of Shanghai and San Francisco, who is our family patron saint ("Slava" in Serbian.) On the women's side we have St. Anastasia, my wife's patron, under the Theotokos, and St. Euphemia, who we both like, next to her. On the men's side we have St. Joseph the Betrothed under Christ, my patron, and St. Panteleimon the Unmercenary (an unmercenary is a doctor who refuses payment for his services, the complete opposite of a mercenary) who we honor because of the role he played in healing my sister's breast cancer (he's still a doctor!) and in the center is St. Athanasius, the patron of our baby boy. St. Michael is sitting on the men's side of the piano too.

Read More

The Baptism!

 The kid got dunked today! I was led to believe this would result in his being much more mild tempered, angelic even, with no more screaming cries or diapers that contain an explosion of evil or loud burps in church. I was lied to on all counts. Granted I was the one who came up with those ideas and was telling myself this, but you think I could trust myself! I'm such a liar. The kid did all three in the course of his Baptism. Here's a play by play, with some explanation for the nonodox out there.

The giant silver goblet over there is the baptismal font. To the right of the table is an Icon on an Icon Stand. Today it depicts Lazarus raising from the tomb, because today is the Feast of St. Lazarus (a traditional day for baptisms, being a pre-figurment of the final Resurrection).

These are all the things that are on the table up there. The Icon here is of St. Athanasius, the patron of our progeny. To the left of that is his baptismal cross, a gift from his godparents, then his baptismal candle which represents his being illuminated by Christ. The silver 'flask' holds the Holy Oil for his Chrismation (Confirmation) which we give to infants as well. The little glass dish and glass oil is oil we use to anoint the baby before baptism. The sponge and bowl are for washing off the oil and the other thing is some balsamic vinegar in case we feel like salad later.

That's a lie, I don't know what that is.

His baptismal gown, which represents the purity of 'putting on Christ.' This one was also used by my niece and some nephews when they were baptized.

There are three exorcisms performed on the baby before he's brought into the church. This is Father breathing on the baby during one of them. It does not, as previously believed, prevent your child from still screaming crying.

Because our baby boy can't renounce Satan himself his godparents do it for him. Here they're spitting on the devil (represented by the direction West, being outside the temple. You can also see some of our fellow parishioners waiting patiently to get in.

They bow before Christ, accepting him on Athanasius' behalf, and recite the Creed.

(The kid is totally naked under there, he has no sense of dignity. In CHURCH!)

They process up to the front and we start the service as normal, then a little ways in we get to the actual dunkin'

ALL IN BABY! The kid gets dunked in three times. Again, naked. Scandalous.

He's 'clothed' in his baptismal garment, which, because of the stupid complexity of children's clothing involves too many buttons to actually do right then so Father just lays it on him and we all pretend we don't notice.

The candle is lit and we return to our seats, which is pointless because we never actually sit so this is seriously just a figure of speech.

Now he actually gets to put on what I call "the frilliest thing you'll ever wear" and what is really "a sure sign of how much my daddy loves traditions that he is allowing me to wear this." You can see the oil really well on his forehead - it turns green in our container because it reacts with the metal. That's his war paint!

Then they process around the table three times while the choir sings "As many as have been baptized into Christ, have put on Christ! Alleluia!"

This is his actually getting that green oil on his forehead that you saw before. I can't figure out how to fix it and put it where it actually goes. So this is his Chrismation, which is seriously what we call it and not some play on the word "Christmas" like a friend once accused me of.

Happy, quiet baby leads to happy godparents (though Uncle David is never really that quiet.)

First Holy Communion! You can see the Chalice and the Spoon - in Orthodoxy the Body of Christ is put into the Blood and we receive it all at the same time off a spoon. Then we 'cleanse' our mouth by eating some blessed bread, which we'll also share with our non-Orthodox family and friends. You can't see that here though. 

This is it though, now he's completely initiated into The Church. It's actually an amazing moment, my son has received the Body and Blood of Christ, who said "Let the children come to me" and 2,000 years later, they still do!

This is just before the oil is washed off. A long prayer is said first (because this is Orthodoxy - a long prayer is always said first)

Babies don't have anything that they can give Christ in return for His gifts of Baptism, Holy Communion, Chrismation and ultimately, Salvation, so they give the only thing they have - their hair. All infants are tonsured after Baptism, four snippets of hair in the shape of a cross, which is mixed with some wax from his Baptismal candle.

I have no clue what to do with this tiny ball of hairy wax I have, but the symbolism is beautiful.

Here we are! Uncle David and Aunt Jenna were also recently made parents. Uncle David is holding their daughter Lilyann, who will be made our goddaughter in a few weeks.

Off topic - isn't my wife hot?

All of us! By now you probably feel like you know everyone!

A word to the wise - Orthodoxy always has food. Much gratitude to my sisters for making the cake, and to my hot wife. You remember her from before? Get this - she's an awesome cook too and she totally made that heaping pile of LENTEN baklava. It was delicious. There was also some punch. Thank you to my parents also for helping to set this up and my grandparents for the cutlery! All the food was a big hit.

MANY YEARS, ATHANASIUS!

Read More

Family Resemblances

Just noticed this, so I have to share. This is my son:

Yes, yes, he's very adorable.

These are his cousins:

My sister's son.

My other sister's son.

My wife's brother's son.

Smash 'em all together, amirite?

Read More

Fresh Baklava

Guess who!

 Yep, ladies and gentlemen, three tablespoons of Benadryl and your child too will sleep through the afternoon!

I would pay to see your faces right now.

Of course we didn't give him Benadryl. For whatever reason (the grace of God) Li'l Athanasius has slept the afternoon away, allowing daddy to write up some work on a new Theory of Akratic Behavior (don't ask, but being a Philosophy student is far more fun than I would probably admit or you would guess based off of how much I groan about it) and mommy to make fresh baklava for his baptism tomorrow. No I don't know why he slept all afternoon, and anyone who tells you they have a 'system' for it probably also has a bridge to sell you.

Since you're so clever you probably caught that yes, our little chubbers will be getting dunked tomorrow. That's what the baklava is for. Well not for the actual baptism, Orthodox do not actually baptize using olive oil and honey (I was surprised too) but for the min-reception thingy tomorrow after. The baklava is Lenten, the cake will not be. I have to make punch still.

He's still sleeping.

This is really the latest experiment in child-rearing brought to you by Ortho-Dad. We're going to see if the triple exorcism performed tomorrow morning will help rid us of the demons of gas, diaper rash, and crying-for-no-reason.

Studies will be repeated in the future.

Read More

How to Keep Your Kids from Crappy Food

My son seemed interested in the music from the Ice Cream Truck today.

I told him it was the kidnapping van, so he'd better stay quiet.

I think I'm on to something here.

Sinister

Read More

The Kid Turns One

Month that is.

He has no concept of time.

Contemporary parenting philosophy has told us that we are supposed to mark this most sacred and totally awesome occasion by throwing some sort of lavish soiree, but Athanasius doesn't care for crab puffs and really, who ever heard of a soiree without crab puffs? Maybe a gala, but not a soiree. So we settled for taking pictures of him in the first of 12 onesies our friends got us before he clawed his way...before he was born.

This was as excited as he got.

The Little Prince chose to spend his day sleeping, pooping, and eating without having to move a muscle. For you and I that sounds almost like paradise (the pooping might raise some serious and valid questions) but for the kid this was just another day. So really he did nothing. It's like he didn't even realize he should be eating crab puffs.

His face when I told him there was no shrimp cocktail either.

Read More

The Many Uses of Duct Tape

He's not nearly this innocent. Trust me. I've seen what comes out of him.

 
I am in no way an expert on the use of duct tape or parenting, but this blog is about a little of both. I was told to write this blog. Not by God, He keeps up with my thoughts the normal way (via Facebook) but by a friend who said that she wanted to be able to see in a more linear and outlined way the random sagacity that streams through my mind, particularly on parenting for some reason. Why this is so I don't know, especially as we'd expect her to be the greater expert since she has four kids as it is, but one of them wears skinny jeans, so maybe she feels she could use some tips.I just have the one baby boy who is currently sleeping (Deo Gratias!)

It all really started with duct tape. This was years ago so the story has all but vanished from my memory except for the now-inside-joke of just saying "duct tape." I think I was telling her sister, who was watching her kids at the time, that if she got sick of washing multiple cups per kid she could just duct tape them to a chair and bring them one glass of water at a time, or something similar. For some reason this was met with mirth. Nobody ever takes my ideas seriously.

So here's the blog. It will of course incorporate my faith, Holy Orthodoxy, because for cryin' out loud Orthodoxy incorporates everything. It will probably also talk about food, because I love food, and a hatred for cats because I disdain them. It will also serve as a place to upload a ton of pictures of my son Athanasius, meaning I don't have to fill up my friend's news-streams with pictures of my (admittedly adorable) spawn. It fits that they'd go here, since this blog is technically about my molding him into a suitable mini-me.

I can't promise it will always be funny, or enlightening or interesting or what have you. I do have to be serious sometimes. I'll probably also use it as a springboard for discussions about religion, especially as I get questions about Orthodoxy from my friends because we do some pretty weird things sometimes. Stay tuned for the kid's Chrismation in a few weeks (see? "Chrismation"? I was once accused of making that word up. I assure you, it's totally a thing.)

We'll get to the beard later.

So voila, here's the blog (which, according to the Canons, as a convert I was supposed to have anyway apparently, since every Orthodox convert always has a blog).

Read More