The Many Uses of Duct Tape

I am in no way an expert on the use of duct tape or parenting, but this blog is about a little of both. I was told to write this blog. Not by God, He keeps up with my thoughts the normal way (via Facebook) but by a friend who said that she wanted to be able to see in a more linear and outlined way the random sagacity that streams through my mind, particularly on parenting for some reason...

The Baptism!

The kid got dunked today! I was led to believe this would result in his being much more mild tempered, angelic even, with no more screaming cries or diapers that contain an explosion of evil or loud burps in church. I was lied to on all counts. Granted I was the one who came up with those ideas and was telling myself this, but you think I could trust myself! I'm such a liar. The kid did all three in the course of his Baptism. Here's a play by play, with some explanation for the nonodox out there.

The Promised Update

Well here's the post I promised you here, but without the promised content. See, we ended up not going on the Youth Retreat because of, to borrow a phrase, a series of unfortunate events and the fact that we had a ton of stuff to do. Stuff I'm going to tell you about now! Starting with last Sunday's dinner, because it was beautiful and needed to be shared.

Fresh Baklava

Yes, our little chubbers will be getting dunked tomorrow. That's what the baklava is for. Well not for the actual baptism, Orthodox do not actually baptize using olive oil and honey (I was surprised too) but for the min-reception thingy tomorrow after. The baklava is Lenten, the cake will not be.

Family Resemblances

Apparently we're running a cloning factory...

Saturday, September 27, 2014

Good Morning Liturgy

Because this is what I do when I should be memorizing Greek declensions and Tone 5. (To the tune of Good Morning Baltimore):

SINNER
Oh, oh, oh
Woke up today
Feeling the way I always do
Oh, oh, oh
Hungry for something
That I can eat
(Not dairy or meat!)
The bells call their song
Now it won’t be long,
It's like a message from
High above
Oh, oh, oh
Calling me out
To the smiles and the
Saints that I love

SINNER (& CHOIR)
Good morning Liturgy!
Sunday's like an open door
Every prayer is so heavenly
Every hymn like a symphony

Good morning Liturgy
And each time when I receive Our Lord
My eyes open wide and I see
The Heavenly Liturgy! 

Oh, oh, oh
Look it’s a feast!
Two hours at least, before we eat!
Oh, oh, oh,
There’s no drummer or praise band - no,
I'm ready to go

The drivers on the road
Provoke and they goad
They seem to say
"Sinner, it's up to you!”
So, oh, oh
Don't hold me back
'Cause today all my prayers will come true

Good morning Liturgy!
There's the Deacon who lives next door
There's the Priest praying morning prayers
Lets leave behind all Earthly cares!

Good morning Liturgy!
And each time when I receive Our Lord
My eyes open wide and I see
The Heavenly Liturgy!

I know every step
I know every song
I know here’s the place where I belong
I see all those saintly lights shining ahead
So Lord, please have mercy
Before I drop dead!

CHOIR
Before she drops dead!

SINNER (& CHOIR)
So, Oh, Oh
Give me a chance
'Cause when they start to chant, I hear angels sing
Oh, oh, oh
Incense and scripture both fill the air
And Our Lord is there

My sin tells me no
But Christ tells me go!
He’s like a shepherd inside my heart
Oh, oh, oh
Don't make me wait
One more moment for my Life to start...

CHOIR
Good morning, good morning
Waiting for my life to start

SINNER (& CHOIR)
I love you Liturgy!
Sunday's like an open door!
Every prayer is so heavenly!
Every hymn like a symphony!

And I promise Liturgy
That some day when
You come back, O Lord
The world's gonna wake up and see
Gonna wake up and see

Liturgy and Thee...

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

First Glimpse of St. Vladimir's

So, most of you know and have been following with edge-of-your-seat excitement our long trip across the United States from California to New York. Here, however, are some photos you didn't see of Athanasius visiting a zoo in Oklahoma with OrthoMom's Mom:

The giant black ball fountain, which he at first seemed to think was the entire point of the trip.
He was very upset to leave behind the big "Bah." The petting zoo was exciting for him, however.

Exciting for us too, as we got to yell "THOSE AREN'T JELLYBEANS!" in a horrific moment of realization as to what was about to happen.
And a very interactive elephant exhibit where the kids just got to crawl all over a live elephant:

Because who cares about elephant rights when you can get photos this cute?
I rest my case.
That animal was seriously drugged.

Anyway, we made it to New York after a visit to Ohio to the ol' Wesseler Homestead. I have a video of that on my phone I need to post. We came to our new home to find out that our stuff was not going to be delivered that day; it couldn't get there until Monday. That made the movers very unhappy as we juggled their schedule. Imagine their joy when I had to call back on Monday and tell them the POD people had told us the pods would be delivered between eight and twelve, and could only be left with us for three hours because we're in the Metro New York area apparently. New Yorkers can get very angry. Anyway the pod people eventually said that we could keep the pods here because it's on a campus and not a street so whatever and it all worked out and I was stressed out for nothing because God is good.

Here's what we've been slowly unpacking:

The living room. TV's on pianos is so hot right now.
Kitchen, which is being supplemented with a pantry (which hasn't come yet) and an island (which has)
Our bedroom, the one room with an air conditioner.
The dining room/library/study room, which doesn't look much different.
And this room, which we haven't found a use for yet.
I know people have been asking for pictures of the campus and our apartment, but this is all we have for now. Still trying to get everything settled in. We're waiting on a loft bed to go over our bed to serve as extra storage space, and once we get that up and running (later this week we think) we should be able to take you on a tour of the campus and show off our finalized abode. So for now, that's all, Folks!

Saturday, May 3, 2014

Don't You Wish Your Wife Made Jam Like Mine

Don't cha?

I have a confession; I hate strawberries. I don't eat 'em. Nasty little buggers.

A sentiment not shared by Athanasius
However, some people can do magic. Some people take this:


And after this happens:

That's the baby sign for "please"
Leading to…


and…


And even…


Before culminating into…


Those magic people can make strawberry jam. And if its been very warm and you live in an area where fresh, roadside strawberries are as cheap as talk, you can buy a whole mess of them. And if you buy a whole mess of them and sweet talk your wife into doing what, honestly, she wanted to do anyway, you can get this shot:

Of a messy kitchen, (MY) super-hot-wife, and one of the jars of MY jam. MINE! Everything in this photo is MINE.
Athanasius has been getting really selfish lately btw, we don't know why.

And so yes, I have jars and jars of amazing tasting jam at my beck and call now, and a baby who's so full of fruit he's passed out. Life is pretty ruddy great right now.

BTW, this is what your toddler son will do with his red blocks after seeing the egg cracking game on Pascha.
Adieu, mes amis, till next time!

Sunday, April 20, 2014

CHRIST IS RISEN!

CHRIST IS RISEN FROM THE DEAD, TRAMPLING DOWN DEATH BY DEATH, AND UPON THOSE IN THE TOMBS BESTOWING LIFE!

Couldn't you just sing those words over and over, every day for the rest of your life? Best news EVER!

Pascha makes OrthoDad excited. Hope you all have a blessed and amazing Pascha! 

CHRIST IS RISEN! INDEED HE IS RISEN!

The Harrowing of Hades: Christ, by the Cross standing upon Death, who is bound, raising Adam and Eve from their graves. 

Friday, April 18, 2014

Dying Eggs for Pascha

If there's one thing Orthodox take seriously, it's dying eggs.

Well, Christ, but the eggs come a close second. Maybe after the Theotokos. And the Saints. and Liturgy. And Baklava.

But eggs, man, they're up there.

Most people are used to a variety of pastel colored eggs for Easter. For Orthodox Pascha there's just one color (usually). Red. A deep, crimson red. It's dark for a reason - it represents the blood of Christ. The dye we make can look like a bowl full of blood. It's a sad reminder of the tortures Christ endured and His ability to meet us at our own level, no matter how shattered we are. However, inside is a golden treasure, and chicks burst from inside what, really, looks like it could be a rock, just as Christ turns all things into New Life.

Dying eggs is a very old Christian tradition, and no, we probably didn't get it from the pagans. The dying of eggs directly matches the spread of Christianity. Some say we get the tradition from St. Mary Magdalene giving an egg to the Emperor Tiberius as she told him of Christ's resurrection. He said it was as likely as the egg turning red, and the egg then did so. That's why St. Mary Magdalene is shown with an egg in many of her icons:


Some, as in this article which shows that there was never any goddess named Ostara, and that bunnies and eggs are Christian symbols (though Orthodox don't really do anything with a bunny) say the eggs come from old Jewish traditions about eggs and funerals and Passover.

So, if you want to get an egg as deep a red as the one in that icon, what do you do? Naturally, God's own creations are better dyes than anything from PAAS.

You start by collecting yellow onion skins. Many people think that red should be used, but no, it's yellow. The large yellow onions have a nice red tinge to them. We collect onion skins all of Great Lent. We're also doing some blue this year because, apparently, blue is the traditional color for the eggs that go in the German Easter Bread we make, so for that you need red cabbage.

You also need some pots, white vinegar and, of course, eggs. This is pointless without eggs.
Shred the cabbage and put into a pot, and put the onion leaves in a larger pot. We had about 15 onion skins from our own onions, and we do a run to the grocery store just before egg-dying and raid their onion bins for loose skins. Stick a few onions in there (everyone needs onions anyway) and buy the bag. People don't even tend to look at me weird. Well, not because of the onion skins anyway.

Cover the cabbage and the skins with water, add 2 tablespoons of vinegar, and let them come to a boil.

Your home will be quite humid. Some people go to spas and pay money for "Vegetable Steam Baths." Probably. I don't know.
The cabbage boiled for about thirty minutes. The skins closer to an hour. Check the color of the water and just stop boiling when you reach a dye color that is a little darker than what you want the egg to be. We stopped at these colors:

Yes it looks purple. Stick with me here.
I know, orange. I promise, we'll get through this.
The eggs somehow interact with the dye and create the blue and red we want. So now we let the dyes cool (large bowls under a dining room fan and stirring help). Then put the dyes back in the pots and add the eggs. We do more red eggs than blue. Let them boil for about ten minutes to cook the eggs, then pull them off the stove and let the dyes cool again (with or without the eggs. Your eggs might get overcooked if you keep them in the dye though).

Here's what our eggs looked like after cooking:

Not very impressive, amirite? Especially that blue. WEAK! 
Final step. Once the dyes have cooled, put the eggs back in and put the bowls in the fridge. Let them sit over night. Some people skip this step and then complain that their eggs were orange or brown, and I wouldn't call that 'blue' up there. But here's what happens if you let them sit:

Big difference, no?
Now these eggs are still wet, but that's ok. To get that shiny look you just rub them with olive oil and a very soft cloth after they dry. Our eggs are currently drying.

So after all that, what do you do with a red egg? You hold it up to someone after midnight this weekend and say "Christ is risen!" The other individual will respond "He is risen indeed!" and you crack your eggs together. The one who comes away with an intact egg is the winner and goes on to challenge others. The 'loser' gets to eat an egg. Really, no losers.

But please, take them out of the shell before eating.

Some people just gotta do their own thing, I suppose. 

Thursday, April 17, 2014

The Smash Cake Photos

I know, I know. I'm really sorry. Life has been insane lately. But this is one of my favorite weeks of the year, and I had to share how we celebrate. That means that I owe you the photos of his birthday party from...a month ago. So first thing's first.

I forgot the camera when we drove down south to celebrate the day Li'l Athanasius erupted into this world, completely (unwantedly) quietly. So all I think I have photos of is him devouring his smash cake that my mother so graciously took for us, and a few of his birthday presents from my sister. So here's his birthday:

You start with a sugar free, gluten free, birthday cake frosted with cream cheese sweetened with applesauce, then feel guilty that your kid gets banana bread (basically) for his birthday and pour on a bunch of sprinkles.
The Younglings who have undergone this Rite of Passage circle around as the ritual sacrifice is begun.
At first, the celebrant is hesitant. 
He does not realize the entirety of the sacrificial feast, and believes it contains only sweet, creamy cheese.
But soon, his bloodlust is triggered.
Wild, majestic animals are summoned to feed on the wasted goods which are slung around in a display of pleasure.
And, at some point, the kid will realize "this feels gross between my fingers."
But he will press on! And finish the final layer of bread-cake-stuff with a belch of glorious satisfaction.
The adults of the tribe, having seen what his vicious little hands can do, will attempt to appease him with gifts...
...and loving sayings.
Some are meant to be used in the cleansing baths, where their froggy eyes will creep out anyone who forgets they are there while washing shampoo out of their eyes, and then open aforementioned eyes and find themselves staring into the ribbiting abyss of toadly terror. 
And some will be books, which the adults will submit their child to before he goes to bed.
That's all, folks! Thank you to everyone who came and helped with Athanasius' first birthday. Tune in (hopefully) tomorrow to see how we dye eggs for Pascha, and also upcoming, German Easter Bread, Pascha Baskets, and the Feast of Feasts!

I hope everyone has a blessed Holy Week!

Friday, February 7, 2014

Merry Christmas!

The face you all come to see. My witty remarks are all just filler, I know. 
...Happy New Year...Happy St. Valentine's?

Ok yes, I've been gone for a long time. The new semester involved, quite unexpectedly, a lot more work than I had anticipated, mainly with applying for graduation (finally!) and applying to grad school. Especially with a school that takes joy in screwing around with student's records, this has been rather involved.

So the last time we saw each other we were about to celebrate Nativity. Here's a guide to Nativity in Ortho-house. Y'all saw our tree n' such, I believe, so we'll start with Christmas Eve. Our tradition, for as long as we've been Orthodox, is to spread some hay on our table and cover it with a white table cloth. This reminds us of Christ's being born in a stable and His swaddling clothes. We leave the straw on the table for all 12 Days of Christmas.

I know what you're thinking and yes, hay does become the decoration that will endure past pine needles in your home. Everywhere. Including in your child's mouth.
Then we set the table with an extra table setting, symbolically for those who've died in the past year and as an available seat for any unexpected guests. We have 12 dishes every Christmas Eve too, to honor the 12 Apostles.

It's been a while since we ate. If I remember right we had a veggie broth soup, apples, snow peas, beet salad, koliva, salmon, sparkling cider, crackers, garlic, salt, honey, and...maybe water? I can't recall.
The garlic is one of the worst possible things ever. We dip a raw garlic clove in honey and then you have to crush it with your teeth. It represents the bitter parts of life being bearable because of the sweetness of God's grace. It's the first thing you eat, and if that's your bitter part of life then your bitter is pretty bad. It burns.

Then we head to Church for Vespers. It's decorated with poinsettias.


The next day we head back to Church for Divine Liturgy, and then our parish has a pot luck. We brought bread pudding.

After the pot luck we come home to presents!

If you look closely you can see where Daddy mislabeled a gift because he wrapped them all quickly on Christmas Eve...
The Spawn received, in the red package:

A little wooden train!
In the white package (from a friend of mine):

Wood blocks with the periodic table painted on the sides!
And, in the blue:

A sword, which he was REALLY excited about for a bit.
Since then we've not had a lot happening. Athanasius is walking now. When these photos were taken it wasn't very well, but now he's using walking as his primary transport.

Which does make it even harder to get a clear shot.
His rash seems to be clearing up, for now. Eczema. 
We had a Christmas party just before Theophany. Some friends came over for ham, gravlax, cheese, chutney, cider, mulled wine, crackers, and a host of other things I can't recall now.

Oh and mince pies which I found gross.
Though I do love Christmas crackers.
Spawn also turned 10 months old in this period:

The party tuckered him out.
Temporarily.
But that doesn't keep him from his hobbies.

Which he's taken to with relish since we've expanded his range.
Eating solid foods is still something we're working on.
And he's heading to Sochi, aiming for the gold in Sleeping.
He's also sprouting another tooth, which is just a LOT of fun.

Alligator smile, this one.
And, as I said, his walking is getting much better.

And, unfortunately, his climbing skills.

But that's all I have for you, mes amis. So, until next time,

Relax, and keep your feet up.